Gretchen Barretto once said on an interview recently that she doesn't want to be a mistress, or the other woman, it got me thinking, what woman in her right mind would?
Apparently some do...
I don't want to sit here and point out the bloody obvious that I am totally against it. I don't approve of infidelity and neither will I condone such acts. My first ever boyfriend cheated on me with some woman and he broke my heart. Right then and there I told myself that I will never cheat on my partner neither will I forgive that partner who'll do that to me. I never met my ex's other woman but I kept on wondering if she knew about me because if she did, what a total slut.
I realized that's its easier to judge the "other" woman if you don't know her personally. We say things like she's a slut, whore, home wrecker, devil(my friends called my ex that to his face! ahahaha), or at times a total desperate man hungry bitch! We do not really looking beyond her being the "other" woman.
But what if that "other" woman is your friend, sister or cousin? What if that "slut" is close to you? Can you still dare to call her bitch? Can you still say nasty things especially if that "other" woman is not nearly close to either of those things. She's someone nice, charming,loving and sweet who just fell in love.
Just fell in love....just fell in love? I don't know. I don't buy it. How can you start to fall for someone who's already been taken a long time ago. Plus if that man is married with kids, can you own up to the thought of those kids looking at you and blaming you for their parent's failed marriage?
The way I look at it, there's 3 reasons why you "fell for the guy", 1. you fell in love with him not knowing his true background 2. you fell for him because he said he's separated (but really he's not) so when you knew he was not, you too deep in the relationship you can't go out even if you like to 3. or you just did fall because it felt right, you were both happy and he said he'd leave his wife for you (but waiting for the perfect time) so you wait around until he does.
I am not - at all - against having a relationship with a divorcee or a separated man, as long as your not a mistress I am totally fine with it. As long as your not stepping into others toes, then go, by all means get together.
But why settle for seconds? You can never be with this man on holidays, birthdays and other special events because he's obviously with his wife & kids, you can't go out in public because someone might see, you can't have a proper date because he constantly looks at his watch or his phone, you can't call him at all times, you can't share your happiness with your parent's or friends because surely they will frown upon your situation, and obviously you feel stressed most of the time just thinking about being caught. Some may find this "exciting", but that is just sick.
There's emotional affair and sexual affair. If its sexual, then there's no feelings involved just sex, but if its emotional, then you guys are supposed to be in love? Either way, its still an affair and in the end someone is bound to get hurt, most of the time its you - the other woman. Don't you think that if that guy respects you enough he'd separate first then start something with you?
Okay, I got carried away back to my original point, so what if the "other" woman is someone close? She doesn't ask for your advice really but you know about it, you told her to back off before anything serious happens, but she doesn't listen so now, they are still seeing each other. I can only hope nothing physical happened.
What do you do? What can you say? Should you meddle with her life or just continue pretending she's not doing something wrong? In the end, I don't want to see her hurt & I want her to be happy so what now?
Apparently some do...
I don't want to sit here and point out the bloody obvious that I am totally against it. I don't approve of infidelity and neither will I condone such acts. My first ever boyfriend cheated on me with some woman and he broke my heart. Right then and there I told myself that I will never cheat on my partner neither will I forgive that partner who'll do that to me. I never met my ex's other woman but I kept on wondering if she knew about me because if she did, what a total slut.
I realized that's its easier to judge the "other" woman if you don't know her personally. We say things like she's a slut, whore, home wrecker, devil(my friends called my ex that to his face! ahahaha), or at times a total desperate man hungry bitch! We do not really looking beyond her being the "other" woman.
But what if that "other" woman is your friend, sister or cousin? What if that "slut" is close to you? Can you still dare to call her bitch? Can you still say nasty things especially if that "other" woman is not nearly close to either of those things. She's someone nice, charming,loving and sweet who just fell in love.
Just fell in love....just fell in love? I don't know. I don't buy it. How can you start to fall for someone who's already been taken a long time ago. Plus if that man is married with kids, can you own up to the thought of those kids looking at you and blaming you for their parent's failed marriage?
The way I look at it, there's 3 reasons why you "fell for the guy", 1. you fell in love with him not knowing his true background 2. you fell for him because he said he's separated (but really he's not) so when you knew he was not, you too deep in the relationship you can't go out even if you like to 3. or you just did fall because it felt right, you were both happy and he said he'd leave his wife for you (but waiting for the perfect time) so you wait around until he does.
I am not - at all - against having a relationship with a divorcee or a separated man, as long as your not a mistress I am totally fine with it. As long as your not stepping into others toes, then go, by all means get together.
But why settle for seconds? You can never be with this man on holidays, birthdays and other special events because he's obviously with his wife & kids, you can't go out in public because someone might see, you can't have a proper date because he constantly looks at his watch or his phone, you can't call him at all times, you can't share your happiness with your parent's or friends because surely they will frown upon your situation, and obviously you feel stressed most of the time just thinking about being caught. Some may find this "exciting", but that is just sick.
There's emotional affair and sexual affair. If its sexual, then there's no feelings involved just sex, but if its emotional, then you guys are supposed to be in love? Either way, its still an affair and in the end someone is bound to get hurt, most of the time its you - the other woman. Don't you think that if that guy respects you enough he'd separate first then start something with you?
Okay, I got carried away back to my original point, so what if the "other" woman is someone close? She doesn't ask for your advice really but you know about it, you told her to back off before anything serious happens, but she doesn't listen so now, they are still seeing each other. I can only hope nothing physical happened.
What do you do? What can you say? Should you meddle with her life or just continue pretending she's not doing something wrong? In the end, I don't want to see her hurt & I want her to be happy so what now?
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17 comments:
Hya naku sis ang hirap nyan! My friends know how I hate home-wreckers. Kaso mo meron akong 2 friends na ganyan. No matter how much I explained to them that it won't do any good, she continued seeing the guy until nagkaanak sila. The relationship even became more deeper. I was against it obviously. I'd say I interfered and even tried to pair her with single guys that I know of. Until such time na ibinahay na sila ng guy. Kaso mo as expected ginugulo sila ng "asawa". She came to me crying, bothered, exhausted. Aas much as I wanted to stay away from her problem dahil nga friend ko wala akong nagawa kundi ang mag-offer pa na sa bahay sila tumira.
I tolerated her decision. The guy would sometimes visit her. Yung happiness sa mukha nya nakakaginhawa.
During that time, ang nagawa ko lang was to support her instead na magalit ako sa kanya. I guess pag friend mo mababago pananaw mo. Friend as in friend ha? I hoped and wished na lang na someday she'd realized and end it.
Glad she did. She's free now from those judging eyes.
Hay my comment is as good as an entry already haha! Sorry!
haii mama mitch ewan ko lang talaga!! nkaka frustrate boohoo.
sana lang she'll get over it! pronto! ahihihi
Iba talaga if that other woman is your friend or relative or basta someone who's close to you. I have a couple of friends who were labelled "third party" (not really home-wreckers naman because the guy/girl they were with were not yet married). I was honest to them, na hindi tama yung ginagawa nila but it's still their choice eh. Kahit ano talagang gawin ko, sila pa din masusunod. I just tried to understand their situation and feelings and hoped for the best.
NO NO NO NO! Sorry No talaga for me hahah! But I had a close friend who's been in that kind of situation and guess what sinabi niya lang sa akin nung break na sila kasi she knows how I despise that type of relationship.
Happy weekend!
Gusto ko kasing payat ni Gretchen lol!
I am in the same situation. A really good friend of mine. Dala daw ng lungkot/coz she's overseas, the guy is as well (iwan family in Manila)...I just couldnt agree with her from the very beginning coz its not right. But then, when she's sharing her feelings, I listen. But when she isnt crying or what, I remind her everytime na its not right. I guess we just have to be there for them whatever circumstance theyre in. They're old enough, they know we are against it, but at the end of the day they decide and not us.
Hay life no...
van! we are close! are you talking about me? wla man ko ka-affair na married or in a relationship...
wahaha!! i agree with you dear! but what can we do? let's both comfort ourselves na she's old enough to weigh her own decisions... she'll come around...
i know it's wrong, pero i don't want to judge her. it's her feelings, it's her life. naniniwala ako na we cannot tell other people how to live their lives. the least i can do is to be there for her when she needs me.. (yun nga lang, if i'm the wife, ewan ko lang. siguro let the wife deal with her. hehehe)
btw, may tag ako.. nagawa mo na to? http://alphadf.11penguin.net/2008/07/26/special/
@ Buge, yung friend ko kasi married with 3 children yung guy. :(
I have such strong feeling for those issues kasi syempre Im a married woman na eh. Talo ang babae dyan lagi - wala syang habol, me nakuha pa sa kanya. I hope women get a little wiser when it comes to that.
Vannie, I have a tag for you!
http://www.aggietha.com/2008/07/28/quizzeroni/
ako i am totally against it also...na talagang feeling ko kung ako ang wife at may mistress asawa ko, eh sorry na lang at iiwanan kita...
ang situation ko naman baliktad sis, ang kakilala ko is yung guy at ang buong family nya is suportado pa ang pagkakaron nya ng mistress. kawawa yung real wife kse pinag tutulungan din sya ng family ng guy. i am totally against it and up to know I despise the guy and the family sa ginagawa nila...
pero di na lang ako nakiaalam at nag comment kse complicated...hehehe...madaming involve and pag aawayan pa namin ni hubby kung makialam ako...
thanks girls for all your advice & stories. grabe seems like lahat tayo may kakilala in the same/more or less same situation, meaning this is common?
that's a scary thought..
kakainis minsan eh,i want to scold and yell or whatever to make her realize what she's doing is sooo wrong, but what can i do dba? its not my life...
:(
If she's my friend and I mean, really my friend, I will give her a piece of my mind, even if she doesn't like it. Sorry, but I'm a married woman with kids. You're not only ruining a home but you'll be setting up yourself for heartbreak. Whichever angle mo tignan, mali ang maki-apid sa asawa ng may asawa. Tama ba term ko? LOL
Pagsabihan mo yang kaibigan mo haha. Feeling ko hindi ako kaibigan na totoo kung itotolerate ko sya.
this is the main reason why i hate regine velasquez so much. bec she is the other woman. kahit pa ma-annul/divorce si ogie.
i'm not sure kung ganito lang ako kagalit bec i'm married na.
di ko lang kasi maisip pano naatim ng ibang babae masira not only the husband-wife relationship, she's wrecking the children's lives too.
pero yun nga d ko lang din sya papansinin. haha.
nku nku i am sooo temted to make her choose. as in. i dunno.
its so morally wrong!!
i want to say to her na i can't continue being ur friend if ur w/ that guy.
i juts can't dba? kase ang plastic.
grrr....confusion.
thanks for your thoughts ladies.i appreciate it.
the least we can do is advice and understand. maybe they're not there "yet" to overcome such situations but in the end, they will know how bad it is, how wrong and not for real. It was just like burning yourself so you will know when it really hurts when you get burned, right?
I dont support that kind of thing but I want them to realize their mistakes, sometimes they close their minds but what can we do? its their life. just be there for them when they need us...
I like what you wrote Vannie! thanks!
"Don't you think that if that guy respects you enough he'd separate first then start something with you."
Well said, and everyone, be they men or women should understand that one fact! That if they respect you enough and really do care about you, then end their previous one before they have the gall to start a new one!
One of my cousin is like this and I don't pity her or give her the time of the day. I know people say "help her by listening to her, and then advice her" but I think for her it's a thrill. She have been the 3rd person in so many marriages I just simply get disgusted at her. For me, I wish she'd just die then continue breaking up people. But it takes two to tango and I really have no idea what those married men are thinking.
I know it's very immature of me to break ties like that but there's only so much one can take. I detest her.
I have a real close friend who have been into this situation. I was there for her, both of them ha the guy too is my friend. the guy was the one married.
I couldnt just make pakialam straight na I want to tell it to their faces na what youre doing is sooo wrong. Kasi, they know naman eh? So why state the obvious? Saka, if I advise them to stop would that matter hehehe.
SO i guess I was just around the corner, eventually it stopped.
I am not the type to say I TOLD YOU SO! sa friends ko kaya siguro im bordering between a real bitch and sensitive too sa needs nila. I let them be, its their life anyway.
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