Disappointed

Have you ever been to a preschool or any child's activity? If yes, then you might have noticed most of the kids are really excited but there's always 1 or 2 whose bawling, doesn't want to join or just hide?! Well...if you see a kid like that, that's probably mine. They had to dance today in front of a crowd as opening number to their Intramurals. There was weeks of practice, money and effort was spent for his costume, and we had to wake up early for the 1-hr drive (not to mention super traffic) to their Talamban Campus.

What do we get?

Nothing.

He cried and cried and refused to join.
I was disappointed. I am disappointed at Ozzy. I am disappointed at myself.
Am I a bad parent for feeling this?
I guess, in a way I feel bad because I didn't do better to convince him to join.
I should have been firm. I should have been this, been that.
No point in shoulda woulda coulda now.

I feel angry at myself for not hearing him out when he kept on saying no.
I didn't really listen as to why he didn't like to dance.
I knew he had apprehensions.
One major thing was, it wasn't in his comfort zone.
He kept on saying he will dance only in their classroom not there where everyone was looking.

Ozzy has always been a bit insecure and shy.
This has been a struggle for me from Day1.
When he was a baby, not everyone can carry him. If he doesn't know you, he will never talk to you or let you carry (let alone touch) him.
Now that he's older, he's beginning to warm up but not as much as the other kids his age where playing with other kids isn't a problem.
I was excited to learn he's making friends in school.

Now...Intrams 2010. He's been with MMIS for about 3 months now.
He knows his school very much.
He loves his classmates and his teachers.
Their first major activity in school...and FAIL.
I wanted to tell him to "suck it up"
People do things they don't want to all the time but they do it anyway.

Root Canal.
Filing of Taxes.
Wearing Seat belt.
Eating Vegetables.

At that moment, I wanted him to stop being a baby.
I guess I was really getting frustrated.
The dance started without him. It ended without him.
He looked up at me with eyes saying sorry.
But I wasn't in the mood for that.
The drive home was quiet.

...I guess, this was a big step for him.
Dancing in front of a crowd of strangers is a terrifying thing.
It was such a huge step that he wasn't ready for.
I just have to accept that and try to look for ways to overcome his timidness.
I can maybe enroll him in some sports activities or what not.
Maybe then he will open up and become more brave to face a crowd.